~intentions~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

February's intention kind of got lost in the shuffle.

However, January's intention (which was buried in the shuffle!)

was more than enough to keep me going for 2 months!

My intention was to stop threatening my children 

with some ridiculous consequence

: I will throw these clothes away if you don't pick them up! :

To stop expecting that they should just "do what I say!"

without question or pause, every time.

I don't do that; why should they?

It is silly, and completely unrealistic.

Most importantly, why would I want them to?

Am I seeking to control them, to balance out parts of my life that are out of my control?

Parts of my life that I *choose* to not control?

Am I stressed and frustrated, and falling into negative patterns?

Overwhelmed?

All of the above, I'm sure!

In the last two months, I made a lot of progress,

to the point that nearly all outward manifestations are gone.

But I still carry some of the inner voices,

so clearly this needs continued attention.

~carrie~

~ november intention ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I promise that I have been absent from blogging for a good (though deeply personal) reason.  It ties in with my November intention, which I'll get to in a moment.

My October intention was to smile.  However, a few days later I severely injured my back.  Despite being in pain and fear that I was going to need surgery (it was that bad), it was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  It was a catalyst for some personal growth that has been fermenting in me for months, even years.  I don't know if I'll be sharing that here, but suffice it to say that these days.....I feel better than I have in my entire life.

At the beginning of November, I decided on my new intention: to be more selfish.  On the surface, that doesn't sound very peaceful at all.  But right now it is the best thing that I can do for myself and my family, and by extension, the world around me.  I could not offer anything (genuine) to others when I didn't care for or about myself.  

I hope to be back to sharing our lives on this blog soon, as well as reading about others' journey towards peace. But if you don't see me or hear from me, it's because I'm being selfish.  I'm cooking myself and my family delicious, wholesome meals, playing with my girls in the leaves, singing in the shower, picking on the guitar, waving at my neighbors and creating a more beautiful home for us.

~carrie~

~ the raccoons ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been having problems with raccoons lately.

Here are some pictures of their latest antics.

There really is no way to raccoon-proof your life.

Initially I barked at them,

but then smiled and even laughed.

We worked together to pick it all up,

and all was well.

What are your raccoons getting into these days?

~carrie~

~ october intention: smile ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, I can smile.

Tomorrow, I can smile.

It is my intention to smile often and generously,

each and every day, a real, genuine, happy smile.

When I smile, 

I will laugh.

When I laugh,

I will feel happy.

When I feel happy,

I will be happy.

Simple words, simple act.

There are complexities

behind my choosing this intention, 

but for now...

....I will just smile and feel my heart loosen a bit.

~carrie~

december and january piece together peace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though I haven't shared much here,
I still have been keep with my Piece Together Peace intentions.

I have a terrible pattern of procrastination.
I'm not even sure why, as it applies to think I would want to do as well.
I think it is really just that: a pattern, a habit.

So for December, my intention was to procrastinate less.

Even though the night before our family celebration,
my partner and I stayed up the entire night
wrapping gifts, putting out more decorations, getting the house just so,
cooking food, sewing doll clothes and cleaning up our messes,
I made enormous progress in the procrastination department!

I made each girl a Waldorf doll baby, from scratch.
I began around December 7, leaving just 3 weeks for a complex, tedious process.
But trust me when I say that my procrastination-self would have started about 3 days before.

Really.

And the irony that I'm posting my December intention to procrastinate less
a whole two months late
is not lost on me.

I have really enjoyed the time away from the computer.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

For some reason January's intention has not been clear cut.
Maybe because privately I'm deeply ashamed, and publicly I'm a bit embarrassed.
But since I am sure there are others who will understand,
I feel comfortable enough sharing here.
January's Piece for Peace: do not threaten the children.

Yes, these children.
And I'm talking about this sort of thing:

In response to someone saying 'no' and running out of the dining room
when I ask her to take her plate to the counter:
"If you don't take your plate to the counter, you won't be having snack today."

In response to the near constant pestering of the dog:
"If you cannot leave Zelda alone, she won't be able to live with us anymore."

In response to boots, mittens and jackets thrown carelessly on the floor
for the fifth time that day:
"If you don't take care of your things, I am going to throw them away."

Yuck. Disgusting. Wrong. Sad. 

I know this is borne out of the natural frustration that can occur
when living with three very young children.
But this kind of language is truly unacceptable.
I don't even know why I say it.
I would never not feed them, send our dog away, or put their clothes in the garbage.

Some of it comes from a part of me who wants children to just comply with my requests.
Some of it comes from being frustrated at talking all day.
Do this.  Do that.  Could you please do this?  Let's put on your shoes.  
A good deal of it comes from my completely unrealistic expectation
that if I put in a penny in your Emotional Bank Account,
I should see a dollar return on my investment.
Right away.
Even if you are many dollars in the red.


I'm just going to put this post out there,
but bury it in somewhere for the moment.
It is still raw, and I just posted some wonderful family stuff.

~carrie~