~ in the studio: a work-in-progress ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What?

This doesn't look like a studio to you???

Me either!

Our little home has 3 bedrooms.

A very large bedroom with bathroom for the adults.

A tiny blue room for the children.

And a larger yellow room that has been a work-in-progress for way too long.

Now, the children are moved out of their tiny blue room,

and into their fresh, beautiful new *PINK* room.

The full size bed had been shared by the little ones, 

and where you see tools and boxes, 

there was a twin bed for the eldest.

Just a few short days ago,

the tiny blue room looked like this,

with some of the children's clothes still left in the closet.

This is my *new* studio! 

Well, maybe it's just *my studio* since there was never an old one.

Unless you count this:

 A tiny cluttered sewing desk, in our bedroom, that doubles as my nightstand.

The pegboard with my threads that my awesome partner made for me the Winter before last.

My fabrics are stored in the drawers of this (below) dresser.

Hmmmmm, maybe instead of a studio,

I should have made it a laundry room?

Finding the fabric you're looking for in a deep drawer?
Frustrating and messy!

My other notions and such were in baskets in the closet.

(That loom that is slightly buried in the laundry mountain

will eventually reside in my studio.)

So, not really much of a studio so far!

But in the few short days there has been much rearranging, 

and organizing,

and shuffling,

so that today things in that little blue room look much different!

Please stay tuned for pictures of the transformation!

~carrie~

~ music therapy ~

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I have witnessed the effect of music on my eldest; 

she lives the songs and their passion.

She sings like I do: mostly alto, searching for the harmonies and lost in the music.

But when the song she sings is a modern one, meant for adults, 

she sings the melodies with depth that she cannot understand.

Songs are often metaphors - metaphors that confuse literal children.

Her tiny and innocent voice repeats phrases and I wince.

And though I understand this, 

and have seen the (small) repercussions,

I have intentionally started listening to music throughout the day.

It is usually on my smartphone, since it is portable and quiet.

My mood and spirit are instantly and dramatically lifted by song,

and what better gift could my children have 

than a joyful momma?

~carrie~

~ first tooth ~

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Yesterday, August 19th, Lela lost her first tooth!  

She was exactly 1 week shy of her 6 1/2 birthday.

Here she is at 7 months old, 

the moment when I first saw her tooth was poking through her gum.

I remember that sweet little tooth peaking out at me,

snapping this picture,

and am experiencing a little heartache knowing she has outgrown it.

~ first tooth! excuse daddy's leg and foot! ~

She first noticed her tooth was wiggly on June 2nd, 

her Aunt Rebecca's birthday.

(Lela's middle name is Rebecca.)

~ june 2nd - tooth begins to wiggle ~

 ~ june 2nd ~

 ~ smiling self portraits ~  

 ~ thought this was a really funny one ~

A week ago, with her tooth getting quite wiggly,

and Lela getting more brave about moving it around,

we decided to take a few more pictures.

Over the preceding few days, her tooth became quite limber in her mouth.

It would flop about of its own accord,

and she was both taking care to chew around it,

and experimenting on biting into harder items with it.

I really have bittersweet feelings over this,

more so than any other experience of motherhood so far.

First haircut.

Walking independently.

Tying her own shoes.

Weaning.

 ~ is it really gone? ~

I was completely shocked when yesterday, 

jumping between the beds,

she landed on her belly with enough force to propel her tooth out of her month,

and it landed squarely in her hand!  

She leaped up from the bed, 

in surprise, shock and excitement saying,

"My tooth came out!"

And sure enough, there it was,

tiny, white and perfect,

in her small palm

as her lips and tongue worked over her teeth and newly exposed socket. 

She ran to the bathroom to look, giddy,

poking her tongue through the hole, 

tasting the little bit of blood in her mouth,

now and then looking up at us in wonderment and delight.

And pride.

 ~ rite of passage ~

When she started to get nervous a few weeks ago,

I told her about how much fun it would be to suck on a straw through the gap.

So after her initial investigation, 

she rushed downstairs, climbed on the counter and dug through the cabinets for a straw.

I was waiting for her with a little cup of water,

and we went outside 

(for better light for pictures, and because the weather was nice).

Somewhat ironically,

we decided to go out for ice cream after supper,

to celebrate the milestone of losing the first tooth.

That night, she snuggled up in her own bed, 

tired and only a little excited for a visit from the tooth faery.

She didn't really know what it entailed,

but was still floating in the clouds with the excitement of that new gap in her mouth.

I made her a tiny pillow stuffed with wool and lavender,

using linen remnants from Spring Equinox baskets,

embroidered with her name in blue, one of her favorite colors,

with crystals and purple bursts representing her color from babyhood.

On the reverse was a small wool pocket,

made of the same felt as the first birthday crown she had,

and embellished with a tiny pearlized bead for her first tooth.

She tucked her tiny little tooth into the pocket and fastened the button.

Then she nestled it under her pillow,

and was soon fast asleep

(possibly from the soporific ice cream treat).

The next morning, she awoke slowly, 

and she snuggled me in her bed gently and affectionately,

really enjoying the connection.

It was quite a while before she remembered

"The Tooth Faery!" 

and burrowed her hand under the pillow to pull out her little pocket.

Secured under the flap was a necklace, and inside the tiny pocket was a beautiful rose quartz crystal.

She didn't say much, just scrambled to put on the necklace, and admire it in the mirror.

Delicate purple faceted crystals are surrounded by tiny glass and sterling beads,

with a sterling butterfly pendant.

As I mentioned before, purple was the color we chose for her as a baby,

and the butterfly is her symbol.  

The Tooth Faery was very generous and clearly knew much about my little girl!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have had a difficult time understanding the connection that Waldorf philosophy places

between loss of primary teeth and readiness for academic learning in first grade.

I just didn't grasp that a purely physiological event (tooth loss) 

could have any relationship to the emotional and mental place

a child must be before she or he can move into the 'academic' world.

(Please see this lovely post on the Magic Onions about this very topic!  

But the more I read and learn about yoga,

the more I understand that the body, the mind, the heart and the spirit 

are connected.....and strive to be connected.

Over the past couple weeks, 

I've watched Lela soften, relax into the world a little,

and connect more to me than she has in the last couple years.

I have been worrying about her a lot, as I have discussed with friends at length,

and afraid that I had somehow 'ruined' her by giving her 2 siblings at the same time, 

when she was just a baby herself.

That in my difficult few years with depression, anxiety and panic attacks,

that I didn't make the connection and bond with her that I should have.

In my mind, guilt is the worst emotion we can experience.

If you let it, it can have the power to undermine the very situation you are worried over.

As I let go of that guilt, 

sometimes it goes easily, 

sometimes it goes kicking and screaming,

I'm watching her blossom in subtle ways,

watching her become an active participant in our family,

and not just a bystander joining in.

Perhaps, after all, the tooth is an outward sign of an inward process.  

I'm blessed and grateful to be guardian of this fine person,

and witness her move into the world and find her own way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

If anyone has any words of wisdom to share on tooth loss,

the 7-year change, growing as a mother, 

or anything else to share, 

please know that I welcome it.

~carrie~

~ adventure! and look who's growing up ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday we met with a few friends

at our local, favorite nature preserve

for more 70-degree F fun! 

We tromped through the open forest

to visit a nearby beaver lodge.

Longtime playmates have finally become friends.  

The kids were not ready to end the adventure, 

so they took off around the shoreline,

which has grown considerably in the last few years,

from creek to extension of the lake.

Little did we realize 

that we would actually get to see 

the beaver dam itself!

It was so beautiful, curving around to contain the water.

We found a 4x4 post that the beavers had utilized.

I believe it used to hold a (now underwater) wood duck nesting box.

Also, we found the mount that nature preserve staff

use to hold the motion-activated wildlife camera.

Tummies were rumbling, so we started back.

They snurkled under this fallen tree at the water's edge.

See the lodge?   

And see this little girl?  Laurel amazed me yesterday.

On the walk back, not only did she not want me to carry her,

she didn't want to hold my hand.

She didn't even want to walk where I had walked.

She wanted to make her own path.  

For those who know Laurel, this is a 180-degree change!

Can you spy a fish?

After lunch, we took a short walk around this loop trail.

Laurel had more surprises for me.

After holding her hand while she walked a (tall) retention wall on the trail,

she ran back to the beginning,

and wanted to do it without any help.

I walked beside her, because it is a 5-foot tall wall over pavement!

Look at Laurel go!  

I couldn't believe it.  

Until this moment, she would have wanted me to carry her.

Would never have dared to attempt this without holding my hand,

even then nervous, whimpering and giggling at the same time.

After hopping down, she wanted to run ahead down the trail,

to catch up with her friends.

She would turn back occasionally, 

to see if I was still there,

but kept running.

And I mean actually running, as evidenced above.

She hasn't ever really ran.

Even at 4 years old, she still toddles along.

Well, not anymore!

I had mixed feelings about this. Mostly, I am happy for Laurel. 

She is well below 'average' weight and far below 'average' height.

A while back, she told me that she didn't like that everyone called her "little". 

And it doesn't help that her twin sister Olivia is almost 4 inches taller, and 5 pounds heavier.

I know that it felt good for her to make her own way through the forest,

to walk that tall and scary wall independently, like all the other children,

and to run, RUN, down the trail like never before.

But seeing this new and completely different side of Laurel is a little sad for me too.

She is effectively the 'baby' of the family, despite being a twin.

And watching the last child go from being a toddler to a young child,

knowing our family is complete,

is very bittersweet for this momma.

But mostly, I'm happy for Laurel.

I could feel that her little big Spirit,

felt proud and strong today.

~carrie~

~ world breastfeeding week ~

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August 1 through August 7 is 

World Breastfeeding Week

~ helping the new momma settle in to nurse 1 week old lela ~

Breastfeeding made me feel more capable as a new mother.

After the initial learning curve, it was easy and peaceful.

My husband was instrumental in my success.

~ lela, 2 months, nursing in the pouch sling ~

Nursing helps to soothe bumps and bruises 

in a way that a bandage cannot.

And nursing helped to transition a toddler 

into becoming a big sister.......

......of twins.

~ lela, 22 months, nurses during my birthing time to strengthen labor ~

For a momma of a not-quite 2 year old and newborn twins,

I don't know how I could have survived

without being able to nurse my three daughters.

It also helped me to bond with my twins,

something that especially mothers-of-multiples find challenging.

~ 10 day old liv and laurel cuddle after breastfeeding ~

Nursing helped Lela through the three-year old tantrums

and one severe case of gastroenteritis.  

~ 1 year old liv nurses in a ring sling ~

And nursing continues to offer Laurel and Olivia 

a peaceful, familiar time with Momma.

~ liv, age 3 ~

Our time breastfeeding is drawing to a close

but it has been a beautiful journey 

with my daughters.

~ carrie ~