~ big birthday weekend ~

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This weekend we gathered in Virginia to celebrate

the first birthday of a very special cousin!

It is incredible that a year as passed so quickly.

And now how big and sweet is this little girl?!?!

Our newest cousin is 5 months - he's adorable and has such a gentle personality.

\

My first cousin is a wonderful mama!

Their lovely home was decorated for the big day.

She made these cupcakes!

And they tasted even better than they looked!

It's always fun to gather with family, 

especially in celebration of such a special little girl.

Happy Birthday!

~carrie~

~ and sometimes the 6-year old makes breakfast ~

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I *could* have made breakfast,

but she wanted to be the one to peel, rinse, cut, plate and season the eggs.

It's Friday, we're feeling relaxed and I did want to finish my last cup of coffee.

I say that I *could* have made breakfast, 

because in the last couple years, there have been days (lots and lots) where I felt too overwhelmed for that.

Bad days......

depressed days.......

full-or-partial-panic-attack-every-few-hours days.

I don't feel this is the appropriate place to share details

 - believe me, if you could see the draft posts! - 

but I feel fake sharing the joyful and creative pursuits of our family,

far fewer than I would like for a good reason,

without acknowledging the main narrative of our family: my mental health.

Set to music, this ballad is always playing in the background.

Sometimes it's blaring in stereo, up to eleven.

But thankfully I'm able to keep my hand on the dial now.

And thankfully I have my partner, family and friends listening as well.

So even though today the 6 year old made breakfast,

complete with a peppermint stick,

I feel proud to say,

"Hey, I could have done that."

~carrie~

~ the first half of december ~

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We enjoyed a beautiful and busy December.

With Daddy's new job, there was less time for handmade gifts,

but we still managed to create a loving, joyful and relaxed family atmosphere.

We started off with a simple St. Nikolaus Day.

The girls received clementines, peppermint sticks, nuts, a glittery star ornament and a St. Nikolaus ornament/bell.

After the ornament tragedy* two years ago, ornaments are an appreciated gift.

*We opened our holiday decorations to find everything completely molded, as a helper had included a *fresh* arrangement in the box.

We took in a local parade, a small one, with good friends.

My babies turned five! 

It is so hard to believe!

I made a birthday banner for them, 

and adorned the hutch in the dining room with their gifts and crowns.

Made from old sheets, with tempera paint letters.

Having the "number five" birthday candle was very important to them!

A special surprise:

Gran and Pop arrived!

Big sister Lela enjoyed knowing and keeping the secret.

We went out for birthday dinner of their choice: sushi!

After the birthday celebration, 

we quickly transitioned to gift-making and gift-wrapping.

And of course, this momma was busy to the last minute knitting.

Here's the scarf (Ravelry link) for my sister:

~ carrie ~

~ walking together ~

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After a blog h.i.a.t.u.s (Help I Am Truly Under Stress)

I believe I may be read7 to semi-regularly share here.

Maybe.

In any case, I did feel the desire to document our family hike after New Years'.

We ventured a few miles away to this Carolina Thread Trail access, 

right along the Catawba River.

Everyone marveled at the I-85 bridge over the Catawba.

The children *despise* when we get on I-85, because it means at least 30 minutes in the car.

But they have a new appreciation for this bridge when we are driving now.

Even though it was jump-able by all, it feels special to have your Daddy help you over a little ditch.

This railroad trestle was so beautiful to me. 

There were many very large wild grapevines along the river, and this nice one provided a perfect seat.

It seemed like the perfect opportunity to take some pictures.

It is difficult to get a 'perfect' shot of so many little ones, 

but I think I like this better.

More grapevines, where the girls had fun pretending to be bobcats.

Our littlest is a firecracker.

These can be 'positive' or 'negative', and explosions can happen unexpectedly last a while.

Today was such a day for a not-so-fun show.

But there's a sweet finale in the very important reconnection. 

The past year has been a challenging one for me personally, 

plagued by frequent panic attacks and constant anxiety.

I cannot say that they are behind me, but I'm feeling hopeful that some positive progress is happening.

There's a palpable feeling in our family that there has been a shift toward something more beautiful.

Happy New Year.

~carrie~