~ fade ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone found it and stuck it onto the bulletin board with a piece of tape.

A little EKG sticker.

Lost in the junk drawer.

A little over a year ago, at 3 o'clock in the morning,

I sat in my bed next to my sleeping partner,

peeling them off my chest.

The emergency room triage nurse had put them there, 

and shortly afterwards she'd told me that I had anxiety.

But mostly she told me that I wasn't dying.

And that panic attacks were scary, but that was all.

I went on to have panic attacks several times a day, night, for the next year.

I cannot exaggerate how profoundly dark my life, our family life, was.

Then a simple test showed something in my body was out of balance,

and in a single day.......everything changed for the better.

I could weep with joy......except it is more fun to smile.

There is light in our home, in our hearts.

We are all breathing peacefully,

laughing more,

feeling frustrated less.

My eyes are not clouded with despair and tension has faded.

I notice little beautiful things all around.

My face is soft and prone to smiling.

We spread out into the backyard, 

listening to the birds,

pawing for bugs and flowers.

My windows are open.

And the light is pouring in.

And out.

Once more I focus on the tiny little worlds around me.

My wonderment returns.

Today I celebrate 33 years on this beautiful Earth.

I am glad that I am here.

~carrie~

~ well......~

Well, if you're reading this right now, 

it's because you have been invited!

Yay for you! (haha!)

I made by blog private after I found a disturbing traffic source.

It was something sexual in nature, and it pulled up a picture of one of my kids.

However, the image search *was not* looking for something about children.

It was just a strange coincidence.

I'm sure that happens all the time to people.....

.....but it was the first time it happened to me.

So I decided the easiest and most sanity-saving thing to do 

would be to make my blog open to invite readers only.

At least for now.

I believe I added all my friends and family,

and a few of the online people who read here.

If there is someone else, family, friend or blogger, who you think would appreciate an invite,

feel free to send me an email: carriejcampbell18 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks for reading!

~carrie~

~ star gazing ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My partner and I have always been interested in the night sky.

We would catch all the meteor showers,

usually in a sleeping bag with a thermos of coffee.

Now we don't stay up that late,

but we still hold hands in the backyard,

looking at the Moon and the planets and the stars.

And during our many camping trips, 

we make sure the girls have the chance to see things our light-polluted city hides:

the Milky Way and all of the stars.

On the night of the full Moon, they have a sweet treat and usually stay up to see it rise.

This March full Moon, the Full Worm Moon, or the Full Sap Moon,

was rising under a partially cloudy sky,

so even fewer stars than normal were visible,

but the movement of the clouds was very beautiful.

We moved into the darker backyard....

we protect our eyes as much as possible to preserve our night-vision.

Planes occasionally moved through the clouds,

appearing as streaks on my camera.

I like to focus the camera into a very dark place,

then release the shutter on the night sky.

I also increased the white balance and my ISO.

The line of three stars marks the belt of the hunter Orion.

The top left star is Betelgeuse and the bottom right is Rigel.

Not visible is the sword of Orion, hanging down from the belt.

In the sword area is the Orion Nebula, where stars are born.

With our regular binoculars (as good or better than the early telescopes used by Galileo!)

we can see the nebula as a hazy cloud.

A good trick to using binoculars is to to focus your eyes on the object

and then raise the binoculars to your eyes.

The light pollution is something that I didn't anticipate when moving to a neighborhood.

I look forward to the leaves budding out and blocking these street lights.

But other constellations are still visible, 

and we point out Castor and Pollux of Gemini to our twins,

as well as the Big Dipper/Ursa Major, Polaris the star and Canis Major and its bright star Sirius.

Jupiter and Venus are in the western sky right now.

They are the brightest objects, next to the Moon of course,

with Venus (on the bottom) being even brighter than Jupiter.

With our binoculars or spotting scope, we can see some of the many moons of Jupiter.

The summer time will bring less interesting constellations,

and more haze,

but we'll still stretch out under the stars, either on a blanket or snuggled under one.

~carrie~

~ chocolate eyes candle-making giveaway ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lovely blogger over at Chocolate Eyes is hosting a very sweet giveaway,

of a beeswax candle kit from A Toy Garden! 

Visit this post to enter the giveaway for yourself!

She recently blogged about being the giveaway recipient of the same kit, 

and shared pictures and words of making the candles,

as well as thoughts on her gratitude.

Candle-making has been something that I'm a bit ashamed to say we haven't tried.

I think that beeswax candle rolling would be a good introduction for us.

She also has a really fun and beautiful etsy shop - MamaWestWind

where she offers handmade peg gnomes and ornaments.

 These Waldorf math gnomes are great!

And I adore this star child ornament!

~carrie~

~ rhythm of the home giveaway ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A quick note......
The new Spring edition of Rhythm of the Home is out!

It's a great issue....lots of wonderful articles to read and crafts to make.
The surprise yarn eggs is one of my favorites, but I'm still reading through them all!

Over at the ROTH blog they're having an incredible giveaway.
Please visit the giveaway post, and enter to win one of the many lovely gifts.
I put my name in the hat for the Backwoods Mama Spring Sew Camp!

~ sand play ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our sandbox has been a favorite place to play recently.

Thanks to Daddy adding a few bags of fresh sand!

(Doesn't that always make a difference? Freshening up a spot?)

Lela created this magical land.

She commented, "the darker sand works best, the lighter sand won't stick together".

Of course, I had to ask why (for my own insecure self, not for the sake of education),

and she said "because the darker sand is wet"

with an ever-so-slight hint of annoyance in her voice.

Duh, mom.........

I made up for my mistake by sitting down and playing with her,

setting up scenes, adding decorations and listening to her.

This little bouquet of flowers, she tells me,

is what the puppy uses to mark his territory.

She wanted me to take a picture of the puppy under the bridge.

She posed her little daddy faery in his room.

~ photograph by lela ~ 

~ photograph by lela ~ 

Laurel makes a soup.

For anyone interested,

our sandbox is a lovely hexagon, created by my awesome man!

It's 6 Bradford pear stumps (from a tree we cut down)

and 12 short logs of cedar that was scavenged. 

Also a side note - the bare feet, arms and legs?

Because it was in the mid-70s here on March 1st when I took these pictures!

~carrie~

~ follow through ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The box that the girls' bathroom light 

was left under the sink.

Lela found it and whilst in the bathroom,

broke the styrofoam into pieces.

Tiny balls almost lighter than air rolled and blew over the floor.

I didn't follow through with having her clean it up,

and they moved to the bedroom,

where they created a snowy day for their dollhouse inhabitants.

Once again, I didn't follow through with telling them to stop their mess,

and the snowy day turned to a blizzard.

It got much worse than these pictures.....

Far, far worse......

The tiny little bits of styrofoam clung to everything.

Every stuffed animal in the room.....

In between the sheets......

On the walls.....

In our hair......

I admit that I lost my patience more than a couple times,

with three little girls who were having more fun rolling on the floor

than helping vacuum and shake tiny balls out of everything.

After emptying the vacuum canister about a dozen times,

and unclogging the motor filter nearly as often,

shaking out all the sheets, 

brushing off each toy,

we declared the room almost clean.

Now there are only about 3 million little balls of foam hiding and sticking in unlikely places.

Down from 3 billion.....I don't exaggerate. 

I don't feel particularly good about my temper flaring with them,

though I admit that I don't mind them seeing me (rightfully) upset.

I have had a couple apologies - 

for not listening and disobeying and for doing something wrong in the first place.

I've also issued a couple apologies - 

for yelling, and for not seeing that they followed through.

Live and learn.....
Lela's consequence is picking up 25 balls once, twice or three times a day, until they are gone,
(the little ones are at 20).
My consequence is having to enforce the aforementioned consequence......and follow through...

These are small children.

Small children are not small adults.

Small children make messes.

Small children should not be expected to control their impulses all the time.

Small children can learn a lot by having a (relatively) grounded parent,

helping them wade through the consequences of their actions.

And it seems like I have to relearn this every day.

~carrie~