~ waiting ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere, recently, I read *and cannot find* 

a sweet post about the importance and value of waiting.

Waiting for our children, being patient.

Waiting for them as our gift to them.

Waiting out of respect for them.

I even left a comment, about how this was close to my heart,

as I am working with the idea of "staying".

*Stay* when it is uncomfortable,

whether it is a yoga pose,

or a child having a tantrum.

(If someone knows what post I'm speaking of, PLEASE let me know!)

Last night I waited....

.....and waited....

......and waited some more..... 

....as Laurel was engaged in arranging a few trinkets and toys.

It was bedtime, actually long past bedtime,

but it had been a really lovely evening,

and I saw no harm in (and really every reason to)

 *waiting* for her to finish....

.....waiting for her to complete her work.

For children, play is work.

Play is not an extracurricular activity,

that only comes after the 'real' work.

I've been suffering from anxiety, panic attacks

and living in a state of extreme excitability and agitation

for quite a while now.   

To put it mildly, it is a very uncomfortable way to live.

So it is a challenge for me to slow down,

to wait

to stay.

So I decided it would be helpful to document 

Laurel's purposeful, meaningful and important work of play. 

Four hair clips

Two rubber duckies

a change box

some receipts

and a hair band 

Elapsed time: exactly 7 minutes

I can wait 7 minutes.

I want to wait 7 minutes.

I was a quiet but attentive observer,

paying attention to every little movement.

Calming the excited and anxious and hurried feelings

that have been a part of my daily living for months.

Feelings that I know will be back,

that in fact are back as I'm writing this,

but feelings that for those moments I could push aside.

Looking forward to a time when I can patiently wait,

patiently stay

while shoes, socks, clothes, are being put on,

without having my insides bursting with "NOW!! HURRY!! GO!!"

Learning to 'stay' through the anxiety,

through the physical manifestations of a panic attack,

learning to calm them before the rise to levels beyond control.

While I superficially I could say that my children are the very reason *for* the anxiety,

that isn't quite right.....

they just bring it to my attention.

They also are incredible motivators for healing.

The thought that I'm guiding three humans along in this world.

So I'm taking steps to address this part of myself.

One way is to just physically slow down.

Don't multitask.

Move slowly, purposefully.

Speak with measured quiet intentional words.  

I often forget, and relapse into moving through the world like a tornado,

talking quickly, loudly, with my mind racing and my thoughts literally tripping over each other,

my words jumping ahead of one another.

I can wait 7 minutes.

I can be present for 7 minutes.

I want to be present for 7 minutes.

I can be present for the very important work of a 4 1/2 year old,

arranging pennies, 

nickles, hairclips 

and plastic ducks

just

so.

~ carrie ~

~ baby hummingbirds - day 19-20 ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once again, my dad has graciously allowed me to share his photographs

of the two baby hummingbirds that are living in his yard.

For the previous entries,

documenting them from eggs until the present,

please see here:

Eggs

1-3 days old

4-9 days old

10-16 days old

17 days old

18 days old

day 19

~ momma hummingbird feeding her twins ~

(picture by my mom, Carolyn)

day 19

Hummingbirds often choose nesting sites near where woodland hawks nest.

These fast-flying hawks (like the sharp-shinned and cooper's in the East)

prey on the predators of hummingbirds.

day 20

day 20

They should be fledging any day now!

My dad says they are doing a lot of preening, flapping their wings,

and even hopping out of the nest.

Once they've left their nest,

they will not return,

but their mother will feed them for a few days.

~carrie~

~ summer solstice celebration ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last weekend, our Waldorf group gathered to celebrate the Summer Solstice!

~ as usual, the kids get all the good seats ~ 

The spread of food was amazing, 

with everyone bringing delicious dishes,

from their gardens and farmers' markets.

Afterwards, everyone went outside to play in our host's amazing backyard!

I snapped this quick picture of my partner carrying her twin boys.

Brings back memories of when our twins were that small.  

~ hmmmm, i don't think he misses this too much ~ 

Our host also made 5 - 5!! - different flavors of homemade ice cream and sorbet.

I sampled the mint chocolate chip - divine!

Here's a sweet picture of her twin boys and my twin girls.

~ i love those little boys eyeing the other's cone! ~ 

Laurel and Daddy have a cuddle after ice cream. 

She was recovering from an encounter with my rotary cutter (!!!!)

which landed us in the ER for 4 stitches in the end of her finger.  

 ~ impossibly cute makenna ~

~ bursting with precious personality these days ~

~ dear friend t and lela holding clancey the kitten ~ 

For the third year, our family made the Sun pinata for the party.

This year is was tougher than ever,

perhaps from the fact that it was slightly damp,

and covered in mirrors, jingle bells and curly-cue paper

(which drooped in the thick NC air).

 ~ youngest to oldest ~

 ~ r giving it a good hard *twack* ~

 ~ liv and lela ~

 ~ t takes her turn, only days out of a cast for her broken elbow ~

 

 ~ parker ~

 ~ lela ~

 ~ 6 year old l means business ~

 ~ lefty jacob ~

 ~ s taking his turn ~

 ~ blake's daddy was manning the pinata, and didn't make it easy for him! ~

 ~ blake ~

 ~ swing and a miss as his daddy pulls the pinata up higher ~

 ~ n sends the pinata spinning ~

Having gone through all the children,

and the pinata was still intact,

we decided to let all the mommas have a swing.

 ~ tanya ~

 ~ our host ~

 ~ c sends it spinning! ~

Time to move on to the daddies!

Our daddy, former park ranger police officer, had the right technique,

and soon the pinata burst open!

~ lefty daddy subdues the pinata ~

The children all rushed in like a flood,

as chocolates, gems, lollipops, sparklers and taffy rained down!

As a testament to the overwhelming amount of goodies in the pinata,

and the practical nature of our children,

there were several large handfuls left on the blanket.

~ l camp prepared with a basket for her stash ~ 

Afterwards, all the adults were glowing with the laughter.

I'm so glad that we had a turn at the pinata,

it was a lot of fun and it was good for the children to see us enjoying it.

I also suspect that the boys especially were impressed 

by all the strong daddies.  

A short walk through the woods took us to a little pond.

Once again, our hosts supplied rods, reels and bait,

and the children all had turns fishing.

 ~ lela - she is her mother's daughter ~

Their were many species of frogs calling from the alders around the pond,

and fireflies began to rise up out of the grass.

In the darkness, we tromped up the hillside trail again,

where a small fire greeted us.

It was good to gather again.

~ carrie ~